I’m not a person who is afraid of failing. By acknowledging what can go wrong and that failing is okay I give myself permission to take risks. Failure is exciting, it’s an opportunity to learn and grow.
This extrapolates to my personal relationships.
I’m not afraid to fall in love or to meet new people. It might not work. I might get hurt. In fact, I’ve grown to expect being hurt at times. It’s that openness to being hurt, that vulnerability, that makes those relationships so much more fulfilling. The reward of having a strong emotional connection with someone is worth the risk of them falling short of my expectations.
Emotional damage isn’t something to take lightly though. When you become vulnerable to people on a consistent basis it’s easy to become distrusting. That makes building emotional connects incredibly difficult.
I thrive on emotional connections with people around me. I think that the best types of emotional connections come from areas of vulnerability. Being willing to share trauma, pain, desires, When I give someone access to this kind of information about me it also gives them an amount of power over me. They can mock me for it. They can pity me. They can ostracize me. They can also love me for it. They can understand me. They can choose to grow with me.
I’ve grown up in a way that required me to support myself in a lot of ways. Being rejected, ostracized, and mocked are not new to me. I’m not afraid of them happening. I’m more afraid of someone severing an emotional connection for reasons I don’t understand. In any case, I won’t let the fear of a negative outcome affect my pursuit of positive ones.
In a sense, my public self-discovery through blogging is a deeply personal way of being vulnerable to the world. It’s risky to be so open. It’s also rewarding and exciting.
I hope to maintain this risk-taking attitude. Maybe even push the envelope a little more in the coming year.